Movie Trailer Friday: Fast And Furious

I once met a mystic who explained to me that time is speeding up. You see, there time as we know it, and then there is another construct outside of time, which we shall, for the purpose of this discussion, call super-time.

Super-time remains constant, but time bends within it. We can’t actually prove that this is happening, because we are unable to measure super-time. So, for example, an hour goes by faster today than it did twenty years ago. We know it’s true, but only through little hints, little intuitions here and there throughout our lives.

Could one such piece of evidence be the consolidation of movie titles? After several sequels, the franchise that began with The Fast And The Furious now presents a film simply called Fast And Furious. Similarly, the franchise that began with First Blood, followed by Rambo: First Blood Part II, eventually presented a film called Rambo. Stallone did the same thing with the Rocky franchise, which came to a close with Rocky Balboa.

There’s something going on here worth paying attention to. Tighten up your communication, because pretty soon, you won’t have a choice. After all, that’s how I came up with “miconian.” It’s a preemptive consolidation of my name, so that when The Change happens, I’ll be ready. I think you know what the fuck I’m talking about.

Some suggested movie titles for sequels yet to come:

• Super
• Spider
• XYs
• Trek
• Stars
• Twlght

Here’s the Quicktime trailer for Fast And Furious.

Movie Trailer Friday: The Taking Of Pelham 123

This movie is about a police car crash. See, it’s a really special police car, sort of the mascot of the department. All the officers love it, and they’ll do anything to protect it. And yet they fail. It must have taken a lot of guts to make a movie so tragic and real.

Here are the poor guys who happened to be driving ol’ 123 just before impact.

I know. Horrifying, right? Can you imagine yourself in that situation? And here’s why they’re screaming:

Here’s a scene from the middle of the second act, where one of the cops is still in denial that he’s on a mission of no return. Joseph Campbell would call this moment “refusal of the call.” You can find it referenced in many screenwriting textbooks.

Below is a great scene from about the middle of the movie. Right when you’re caught up with counting how many times the car is going to spin before it lands, you suddenly catch sight of Read the rest of this entry »

Movie Trailer Friday: Winter Of Frozen Dreams

The main point of this trailer is that Thora Birch is looking hot.

Don’t you want to see this movie so that you can get confused, depressed, and sexually frustrated?

Playboy has some great articles. Just saying.

Here’s the Quicktime trailer for Winter Of Frozen Dreams.

Movie Trailer Friday: Imagine That

It’s hard to tell whether Eddie Murphy’s presence is meant to make this formulaic plot appear fresh and interesting, or vice versa.

The idea of the preternaturally wise child is so ingrained in all of our minds that it’s an easy sell. We all remember the clarity and confidence that allowed our young brains to combine fantasy and reality. If only we could have some of that magic back, etc. etc.

It’s weird that this trailer doesn’t include any hint of a love story. Surely, the little girl eventually predicts another kind of marriage, between her father and some co-worker or something.

Here’s the Quicktime trailer for Imagine That.

Movie Trailer Friday: The Informers

Rumor has it that Oliver Stone gets angry when fans thank him for Gordon Gekko’s “Greed Is Good” speech in Wall Street, because Gekko is the villain, and that speech is the opposite of the movie’s moral. And yet, like the gangster movie, the primary allure of the 80s materialist movie is the glamorization of the superficial lifestyle from which the protagonist supposedly needs to be redeemed.

Brett Easton Ellis directing a movie based on a book by Brett Easton Ellis, set in the 80s, is hugely exciting. But it’s exciting purely because it represents another chance to vicariously live through the 80s. It’s like watching Less Than Zero on DVD in 2009 while getting drunk by yourself and wondering why you never got that glamorous cocaine-covered life you deserved. Only you watch it in a theater, with other people, and you get drunk after instead of during, and the movie came out in 2009, not when you were in high school, so the fact that you get caught up in the glamour of it makes you feel a little bit less pathetic.

The Informers Quicktime trailer

The long version is much less cathartic and 80s-ish.