Phuck Phred

Disciples of the reverend Fred Phelps protested today outside a synagogue a few blocks from my apartment in Cobble Hill, Brooklyn. As usual, the group of protesters was much smaller than the group of onlookers, and the Phelpsians carried signs with diverse messages against Jews, gays, Israel, and Obama. As usual, the Phelpsians did not seem to be attacking anything in particular, nor were they advocating any action. Their attitude is essentially Calvinistic: Read the rest of this entry »

Domino’s And Me

I worked at a Domino’s franchise in Lawrence, Kansas for a few months in 1993. I was a delivery driver.

My driving job involved a lot of sitting around on my ass, waiting for an assignment. While waiting, I usually was not expected to perform any other duties, so I would bring a book to work. One day, I came through the door to start my shift, and the owner said:

“….and you can leave the book in the car,” as if it had been the end of a long sentence, one that he had, perhaps, started months ago. During my interview, maybe. But I couldn’t remember that happening. I walked back to the car with my book, and then I returned to the store empty-handed, and then I sat there with the other drivers and watched the cooks make the pizzas.

Some of the cooks were really fucking good at making fast pizzas. It was a point of pride. One guy in particular was so fast at distributing toppings with his nimble fingers that, in a crunch, it was understood that he would be the one to make the most complex pizzas, the “problem pizzas.”

One day, a casual conversation among bored employees led to a challenge: could the fast cook have the most complicated pizza on the menu ready for the oven in less than three minutes? The cook good-naturedly accepted the challenge. Read the rest of this entry »